Victoria Harkless
Assistant Editor-In-Chief
It is hard for a stepparent to know where the line of acceptable punishment is, but it is even harder when the other parent has a boyfriend or girlfriend who is constantly overstepping that line.
There are proper ways for boyfriends/girlfriends to punish their spouse’s child. Talking to the biological parent is always the way to start that process. There are also punishments that boyfriends/girlfriends should not be able to give. Taking away electronics, stuffed animals or physically punishing the child are things that the significant other should have no say in.
It also is not uncommon for children who receive punishments by parent’s partners to receive multiple punishments, one from the boyfriend/girlfriend and one from the parent- that is unfair. We do not punish convicted criminals twice on the same offense so why punish children twice on the words of one person.
There is more of an impact on a single punishment when it is done by the parent. There is no punishment quite like knowing you have disappointed your parent/parents while waiting for your actual punishment.
A punishment done by a partner can also cause tensions within the relationship between the biological parents. One parent may disagree with it and have reason to try and get the child for more time or that may start a conflict in an otherwise peaceful co-parenting situation. Growing up in a situation with parents who merely tolerated each other created many awkward family events like shared Christmas, or at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Moments like those would also be when parents switch for the week or weekend and that would be an uncomfortable situation.
If a parent’s boyfriend/girlfriend is involved that parent may be more strict so they can prove that they would be a good parent even if they are not looking to have more children. It is just something that happens, they also want their child to appear respectful to their partner but that respect should not be built on fear of a punishment. That does not promote respect, it promotes the idea they care more about their romantic interests instead of their child who they should have a lifelong bond with.
Overall letting boyfriends/girlfriends punish children that they share no connection with is more harmful than good for various reasons.
Image Credit: Kelly Sikkema
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